i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
