Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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