I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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