Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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