the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
