I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
