I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
