Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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