glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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