Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
