clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
