I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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