by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How does one acquire holy water?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
