1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
