Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
