thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
