I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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