this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
