Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
