Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
