I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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