It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
