kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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