he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
