There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
