How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
