i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
