love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
