I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
