Having a random hookup so left but love u
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
