Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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