yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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