Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
