Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
