how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
