Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
