fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
