You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
