I just pynch a tree in the face
i just google imaged poop.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
