So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We need to rekindle our bromance
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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