marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
