real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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