SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
