he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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