He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
