also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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