Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just pee around me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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