if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
