Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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