Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
