listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
