You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
