Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
