My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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